New Air-Travel Guidelines

The Onion
Friday, September 29, 2006

U.S. airlines are now allowing small quantities of fluids onto airplanes. What do you think?


Elaine Siegel,
Sales Representative
"Thank God. I don't think I'd be able to make one more flight from New York to Chicago with a mouthful of shampoo."


Alex Hunter,
Surveyor
"The ban was a necessary precaution. We have to be willing to make these kinds of sacrifices if we're going to prevent scientifically impossible terrorist attacks."


Ed Johansen,
Systems Analyst
"By giving passengers renewed access to these gels, lotions, and shampoos, we run the risk of creating a very dangerous and highly evasive super-slippery terrorist able to avoid all manners of restraint."
(source)

Dr. Larry Taylor commentary on current events...

I've provided a link to an article written by a man I have incredible respect for...

"The problem is a lack of real biblical Christianity. We have not; we in most instances are not, establishing the kingdom of God in the hearts of people. True Christianity is not American Theistic Patriotism. It is not a religion of ethics at all. That is the religion of the Sadducees. True Christianity is not a religion of rules and restrictions. That is the religion of the Pharisees. True Christianity is not a religion. It is a vital, living relationship with God, who invades every aspect of our lives and conquers every corner of our resistance with love and grace to remake our very natures, transforming us into servants, subjects, ruled in every respect by the King of Glory." ---Dr. Larry Taylor---
(source)

Next Time You Fly...

When's the next time you'll be getting on an airplane? Just in case TSA wants to check your laptop, wouldn't it be fun if your computer was set to run this when the security dude (or dude-ette) opens it up? START

Pornographer Quits

One of the blogs I subscribe to is x3blog...the ramblings of xxxchurch.com. Today the guys over at the triple x church posted a story about a photographer, the son of a pastor, who has made his living shooting photos for Playboy, Penthouse, and Hustler (quit pretending you don't know who these guys are - please) along with other propogaters of porn.

These guys have made it their mission in life to reach out to the people in this industry no matter what.

Check out the story...

Dear Chris and Jeff:

(PROPS: Water)

Compeans of Kenya

My close friend, Ed Compean and family are Shepherd Staff missionaries in Kenya. Ed keeps prayer and financial supporters in the loop with at least a weekly update. This was a special note I received recently that blessed me and made me jealous that he gets to serve God in an incredibly radical way in an amazing place...

Greetings,

This weekend I enjoyed a incredible experience that I think this group would be blessed to hear of.

I was on hike with the Boy Scouts and absolutely in awe of the zebra, gazelle, warthogs, élan and ostrich all around us. More impressive than the creation all around us was the Creator several of us father's chatted about as we walked. Maybe Michael can identify with having a Psalm 19 experience walking through the Himalayas. Anyhow, these fathers are not just business men or average guys, but SIL directors, missionary doctors and people that have spent serious time seriously enjoying God in the bush of Africa. One evacuated from Congo with his family the day before his village was wiped out, many personally remember the embassy bombing in Nairobi and all are currently doing something radical in the kingdom.

As we walked a doctor commented how much he was going to enjoy heaven. He wanted to see the results of some of the eye surgeries he has done. He was commenting because he never sees most of his patients after surgery is complete, but he hears reports that people are being reached through the work. The doctor went on to say how he looks forward to getting to know those people better and hearing how the encounter God allowed on earth impacted eternity.

This stimulated conversation among our group of how enjoyable heaven will be and yet how there is a modern ethos that paradise and face to face fellowship with God will be boring. As we walked, avoiding warthog dung along the way, the conversation continued. I could go into details, but I wanted to share the joy of looking forward to perfect relationship with God and man.

Shalom!
Ed

Campolo at the Compassion Conference

Tony Campolo gave a great talk at a Compassion Conference in July. I just received the CD's from the conference in the mail. You can download the message here. Enjoy...

25 Voices of Bohemian Rhapsody

Your Parent's Music

The music I loved to hate when I was a kid was my parent's music. They didn't like rock-n-roll. They didn't seem to understand it. They were repelled by anything made popular by hippies. You may not relate to this, but my dad was a career miliary man in the sixties and seventies; a Viet Nam vet. Hippies were hostile to his culture and he and my mom didn't warm up to hippies much. Nor did they like hippie music much. You should have seen my mom's face twist into a mask of horror when I tried to bring a Kiss poster into the house.

My mom listened to junk like Barbara Striesand, the Carpenters, the Brothers Four, and other folk music. But not Bob Dylan. She liked Barry Manillow and Niel Diamond, but not Neal Young or Janis Joplin.

The only music my parents liked that I could deal with was country. I know having a blog and digging the twang of country music are mutually exclusive propositions, but if I had to choose one over the other, I think I stand with Waylon, Willie, and Cash. I don't have many fond childhood memories, but the good ones I do have Waylon Jennings picking in the background. Some of Waylon's tunes from the seventies have been the latest additions to my iPod playlist.

So what about you? Do you confess to giving the music your parents loved and you hated a spin every now and then?

Your Teenage Pregnant Daughter

A comment from an old friend was posted on my blog a few days ago. I wanted to answer Amy privately, but there was no return email address so I'll post the answer here.

Here's Amy's comments and question:
Hey! I had no idea you were a grandpa! Congrats! I'm assuming, because her name is Mondok, that Charity isn't married... I'd love to pick your brain a bit - my little sister (16) just told us she's pregnant and the baby's coming in December. Well, she told us in July, but it was quite a shocker. The other thing (not a big deal to me, but has my dad just about to jump off a bridge) is that the daddy is black. Any advice??

Amy:
I'll never forget the night I found out Charity was pregnant. She was still 18. Our electricity had just come back on after being knocked out for about a week after Hurricane Wilma blew through last October. Charity planned the timing of the delivery of her news quite well. I was in bed about 11:30pm when she called my wife's cell phone which she always keeps on her night stand on her side of the bed. Charity knew I was fast asleep and that her momma is a light sleeper and would be the one to answer the phone. Charity did not want me to be the one to answer.

I woke to hearing Susan's voice out in the living room. She was on the phone with Charity, and while I lay in bed I began to listen in on Susan's side of the conversation. Suddenly it felt like the cieling landed on my chest when I figured out what they were talking about. My heart was broken.

Susan and I stayed up the rest of the night and just talked. Charity had done four of those home pregnancy tests that day and all of them came up positive. I'm proud of her because she didn't wait even a whole day before she let us know. She couldn't tell me not because she feared my wrath, but because she knew that I'd be broken hearted. She told her mom that she was going to stay away for a couple of days while the news sank in. The next day, I didn't call her, but I text messaged her: "I love you." She text messaged back: "I love you, too."

I wish I could say that she and I have handled this whole thing with perfect ease, but we haven't. We've had our share of tears and playing the "blame game." Susan and I were looking forward to an empty nest to put it quite frankly. Maybe we would go back into the mission field. We're relatively young for parents with teens getting ready to move out (we both turned forty in the past year and our youngest is eighteen with plans to move out) and we thought that we were going to be an active in ministry, childless couple. "Who knows where we'll go to serve the Lord next?" But now we have a baby in the house.

There are two things I've learned:

1. I don't get to determine my destiny, I just get to shape it a little.
2. It's not the baby's fault.

Here's how this whole thing relates to God: ALL children are a gift from Him (Psalm 127:3) and ALL of us are conceived in sin (Psalm 51:5). And Jesus has an attitude toward children that cannot be ignored. In Matthew 18, Jesus brings a child into the middle of the crowd as an object lesson to those arguing about who is the greatest (Matthew 18:1-5). Jesus said that if you want to be great, become like a child. He went on to warn anyone listening (or reading) how bad the consequences would be to the one who hurt, sinned against, or caused a child to sin (Matthew 18:6), and it ain't pretty. Jesus said that each little boy and girl is assigned an angel and that this angel stands in the presence of God the Father (Matthew 18:10). I want to be on the angel's good side as he makes his report to our Father.

Here's the bottom line: God has given me the chance to participate with Him in loving this child.

I can be angry and blame my daughter for wrecking my plans. But that's just childish. God would not bring this situation into my life if He didn't build me to handle it. What rings in my ears is the verse in Acts where Jesus tells Saul, "It is hard for you to kick against the goads."

About the baby-daddy: you're right. It doesn't matter that he's black. But from your father's point of view, red or yellow, black or white; ain't none o' them gonna be precious in his sight. The man knocked up his little girl. But it's his grandchild and your father has been given the chance to participate with God in loving this child. He also has the chance to participate with God and forgive the foolishness and sin of his daughter.

I realized that my daughter just got caught doing the things I (and her mother) got away with.

Here's how I handled things with our baby-daddy. Something that none of us are proud of is that in Charity's case, over the course of two weeks, there were two candidates. I made it my goal to befriend both of them. One of these guys was most likely going to be a part of my life for some time. Maybe this guy would become a life-long friend somehow. One guy was very receptive. For the most part, that's another story for another time, but the short of it is that this guy made a profession of faith in Christ and was baptised. But he didn't turn out to be the dad. The other guy, I became aquainted with and was friendly toward him, but he left town shortly after the baby was born. It turns out that he's the biological father. And I'm still praying that the Lord will open the door for a relationship between him and I in the future.

Five Tips to Increase Your Likeability

I came across this article today. I'm surprised I had to find it all by my self. Usually, a family member or co-worker makes sure these pearls of wisdom find their way to me...

by Justin Hartfield

This is just a summary. You'd benefit tremendously by reading the article. (fetch the article)

1. Be positive.
The single most common problem facing individuals who want to become more popular/successful/likeable is their own attitude...

2. Control your insecurities.
People that always have to be correct are insecure...

3. Provide value.
The only thing worse than an insecure person is one who is so completely and utterly shutdown from the world that they refuse to display any personality at all...

4. Eliminate all judgments...
Judgmental people are usually easy to spot because they are the ones eating alone in the lunch room...

5. Become a person of conviction.
Make no mistake, people will test you in order to find out exactly where your boundaries are...

Shear Heart Attack

The Margaret Thatcher Illusion

from Mark Frauenfelder











Mighty Illusions has a neat psychological illusion. Take a look at these photographs of Maggie Thatcher. You'll note that they're not quite the same. But when you rotate them 180 degrees, the differences appear much more pronounced. Link

Fight Fair

I came upon this list today. I needed it two days ago. Maybe you'll need it tomorrow: (source)

• Know what you’re fighting about


• Stick to one subject only


• Be direct - say how you feel, say what you require


• Choose the time of your battles carefully


• Keep quarrels private


• Don’t read your partner’s mind


• Don’t expect your partner to read your mind


• Don’t Blame


• Own your own feelings - this means starting sentences with ‘I feel’, not ‘you make me feel’


• Don’t talk each other down


• Don’t hit below the belt


• Don’t wear the belt too high


• Don’t bring up past fights and use them as ammunition for the present one


• Actively listen


• No physical Violence

Fact is Stranger than Fiction

When I begin to have doubts about how I handle a crisis or a difficult decision I've made, I read about someone bungling a similar situation in a major way. I mean really bad. And then I have some mixed up feelings. First, I feel bad for victims, then, I feel a little happy (alot happy, really)that I didn't - or even think of in my wildest imagination - do that...

That's why I get a warm fuzzy feeling when I watch shows like COPS and other reality TV; there are people out there dumber than me.

Read why duct tape, a length of rope, a knife, scissors, a .22 caliber rifle with a loaded magazine was found in this angry dad's pessession:

BOSTON (Reuters) - Police charged a Maine couple on Monday of kidnapping their pregnant 19-year-old daughter, who was bound with rope and duct tape and bundled into her parents' car to force her to have an emergency abortion.

Nicholas Kampf, 54, and his wife, Lola, 53, were arrested on Friday in a New Hampshire parking lot after their daughter Katelyn escaped by persuading her parents to untie her so she could use a Kmart bathroom. (read more)

Oh, no, she DIDN'T!

Of Little Profit

1 Timothy 4:8
For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.

Billy and I have started into our training routine for the Disney World Marathon. Here’s how the training goes:

• Monday – short run: 3 to 5 miles; weight training

• Tuesday – cross train: 4 mile walk


• Wednesday – medium run: 5 to miles


• Thursday – same as Monday


• Friday – rest


• Saturday – long run: 8 to 20 miles


• Sunday – rest

Now, I can hear all you Rick Warren hating legalists quoting “bodily exercise profits little” from that wide, butt-shaped dent in your couch. I know bodily exercise profits only a little, but it’s probably a little more profitable than watching the tube everyday… or blogging.

For years I ran without a walkman or cd player because that equipment just chafed me. It bounced around and was generally a hassle. Last year I started using the iPod Shuffle, but that thing hangs on a rope around your neck. I short-circuited not one, but two Shuffles by bathing them in sweat. So I bit the bullet and bought the full blown iPod. I hate coughing up the cash trendy electronics, so I bought a first generation iPod from my buddy Chris after he upgraded to the new black iPod with the mini TV screen. And, boy, am I glad. It's made my running a little more profitable.

So, while I run, I listen to free podcast messages downloaded from Al Gore’s great invention, the internet. On Mondays and Thursdays, Bob Coy’s message on the Active Word is the perfect length for a short run. Tuesdays, I’ll catch Ravi Zacharias, Bob Franquiz, or Dan Plourde. Wednesday, NPR’s Wait, Wait! Don’t Tell Me is a good length for that mid-week run, and on Saturday, I listen to Pastor Mark Driscoll on those long runs. His messages usually last longer than the run does, even if I slow down and walk some.

To help me keep track of my mileage and pace, I strap a Garmin GPS onto my wrist. My goal is to finish the Marathon in less than four hours this year. I’ll let you know how it works out.

Cockroach Whoops Weatherman Brokeback Style

Found this video over at ragamuffinsoul.com. Pretty funny, Los.




(HT: The Blogstar)

CHE-ney

link

Tools for "Tools"

Water posted this over on his blog... So true...

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats and motorcycle jackets.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheel.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your garage on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your drink across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouc...."

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering a motorcycle upward off a hydraulic jack.

Philip Yancey: AFRICA

Philip Yancey, one of my favorite writers, wrote a good article in Christianity Today about African challenges and resilience.

Excerpt:

"Bono and the big charities keep talking about it, but Africans live with it—and die from it—daily. Africa accounts for 70 percent of the total number of people infected with HIV/AIDS and 80 percent of the resulting deaths. AIDS tends to target the young, lowering overall life expectancy and wreaking havoc with economic and social programs." read the rest of the article (source)

Napoleon Dynamite Shows up at a Spelling Bee

This kid gives Napoleon Dynamite props during the spelling bee and the judges are like, "Napoleon who-bee/WHAT-eee???"

"Is that a secret message or something?"

Quick Question

Pop quiz:

Did anyone set of a nuke yesterday? Any word from Reverend Hawkins?

question: Dueteronomy 18:21 "And if you shall say in your heart, 'How shall I know the word which the Lord has not spoken?'-

answer: Dueteronomy 18:22 "when a prophet speaks in the name of the Lord, if the thing does not happen or come to pass, that is the thing which the Lord has not spoken; the prophet has spoken it presumptuously; you shall not be afraid of him."

"Sixty is the New Forty"

"The gray-bearded Townshend, 61, periodically pumped up the capacity crowd at South Philadelphia's Wachovia Center with his classic arm-twirling power-chord style while Daltrey, 62, looking younger in jeans and a plain blue T-shirt, belted out the lyrics of The Who's extensive back catalog."

By John Hurdle| Reuters | link

Heavenly Miscalculation

Mark 10:38
But Jesus said to them, “You do not know what you ask. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?”

Some personal observations of how this scripture applies to me:

• How many things have I asked God for that I’ve de-valued only because I have no clue the true cost?
• I do this regularly in life. I always expect things to cost me less than they will. I always think what I own is worth more than the price I actually have to settle for.
• I pretty much have earthly economics backwards and upside down. How much more do I have heavenly economics mixed up? The mistakes and miscalculations come to me pretty naturally.

How about you? Do you often miscalculate the price of prayerful petitions? Have you prayed for some things you're glad God didn't give you? Have you asked for things you've gotten and are now experiencing a little "prayer requester's remorse?"

Driscoll Podcast

I try to stay tuned in to Mark Driscoll's blog posts and podcasts.
This week's podcast: a study of the Cross of Christ.

Driscoll is an unbelievable communicator delivering a mind-blowing presentation.

Take the time.

Download this podcast.

How to Sabatoge Yourself

This is pretty good. It might be time to re-think some habits...

This tutorial is designed specifically for self-loathers. Follow these instructions carefully to become extremely unhappy, poor, disrespected, lonely, and better yet, to hate yourself even more.

Tell all your friends and family how they can make millions by joining this "awesome" new MLM (Multi-Level Marketing)company that only costs $100 a month.

Whenever you meet an attractive new person of the opposite sex, be sure to talk at length about all of your problems.

Use credit cards to pay for everything.

When a credit card "stops working," apply for a new one.

Always look pissed off or upset when you're at work. You want to make sure everyone knows how much you hate your job.

Take up a new hobby: drinking.

If anything makes you really happy, tell everyone how you will probably never be that happy again.

Gossip about friends and family members. Make sure to gossip with friends and/or family members of the person you are gossiping about.

Always talk about your "horrible day at work" whenever you get the chance.

When watching a movie or TV show with others, feel free to ask them plenty of questions about what's happening. This may even be a great time to talk about your "horrible day at work."

Take up another hobby: smoking.

Make sure everyone knows that you have the worst luck of anyone they will ever meet.

You're not the only one with flaws, so make sure to always point out everyone else's flaws as well.

Feed your hunger for love and companionship with cake and cookies.

Whenever you buy a gift for someone, make sure they know all of its flaws, how cheap it was, and how it's really "not anything special."

If you ever do a favor for someone, make sure they understand how little effort you put into it.

Try smoking some crack to ease your pain.

Always wear a frown wherever you go. You want to try and make it a permanent expression on your face.

Always leave a tip of 10% or less... especially if you're at a fancy restaurant. Their work is never quite good enough to be worth the full 15%, and the more the bill is, the less you have for tip anyway.

Borrow money from friends and family, and never pay it back.

Quit your job to become a full time professional Internet Poker Player.

If you ever have children, give them funny names like "Crystal Shanda" if your last name is "Lier," or any of the names Frank Zappa gave his kids, like "Dweezil" and "Moon Unit." You want to make sure to pass on your "bad luck" to your kids (this does not apply if you're rich and famous, which you're not).

link

Did You Feel It?

We had an earthquake.

I think someone got our disasters mixed up. We're supposed to get the hurricanes. California gets the earthquakes. I wonder who messed this order up; UPS, FedEx, or the US Postal Service?

What next? Snow?

Girl Freakin FREAKIN'

This chick wiggs out on some kind of a morning show.

Other people's phobias can be quite entertaining.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Nice place for a cell phone. How many bars do you got?

link

Bono and the Bible

The following is my best attempt to transcribe Bono's comments about the Bible's influence on his music and his life. My feeble attempt at this blunts the impact of actually listening to the live, unscripted interview... Give it a listen.

Wenner: Two more questions on songs: the Bible we've talked about alot. How big of an influence is the Bible on your song writing? How much do you draw on it's imagery, it's ideas?
Bono: Um...
Wenner: Is it always in the back of your... your intellectual bank of images? Something you study alot...?
Bono: Yeah...
Wenner: ...comes out all the time?
Bono: Yeah, it... it... it sustains me.
Wenner: As a belief or as a literary...
Bono: As a belief. Um... You know, I'm just the sort of character... I've got to stay around the... I've got to have an anchor. I want to be around immovable objects. You know... because I want to build my house on a rock. Um... because, even if, you know, the waters are not high around me, I'm going to bring back a storm. It's like, I have that in me. So, it's just sort of underpinning for me. And it just seems to... again there's a Hebrew word, I think it's Rhema where I don't read it, as a... a historical book; or I don't read as, "oh, that's good advice." I sort of... I let it... I let it speak to me in other ways. The rhema... it's a hard word to describe; to translate. But it's sort of means it changes you in the moment you're in. It seems to do that for me. These are hard subjects to talk about, as you know, because they can sound like such a...
Wenner: You're saying it's a living thing.
Bono: Yeah.
Wenner: And because of that, then the words are always present with you?
Bono: Yeah...
Wenner: ...the words are always there with you?
Bono: Yeah, I think so. I mean it's just there to...
Wenner: Everything is shot through with it?
Bono: I go back to it, you know, and I... It's a plumbline for me. ...the Scriptures are self-described as a clear pool that you can see yourself in; that you actually get to see yourself where you're at. And, I'm writing a poem at the moment called the Pilgrim and His Lack of Progress.
Wenner: (chuckles)
Bono: So I'm not sure, but at least I know how far off I am. And when I go back to it...
Wenner: So what are your favorite...?
Bono: The poetry... the love songs... if you're just talking about the Scriptures, you know, the Song of Solomon you're talking about the great lines or aphorisms. I love aphorisms. Proverbs; I love that. The sounds of David; they're the Blues. You know? So yes, there's a big influence.

Rolling Stone Interview: BONO

"The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light." Luke 16:8

This verse baffled me. Why did Jesus speak of the dishonest manager (the New Living Translation calls him "that rascal") so well? Because "that rascal" used all his resources, was creative, and ultimately, was rewarded for making his boss look good. The downer was that Jesus said that the "people of light" don't know how to be shrewd, be creative, or build alliances the way the dishonest do.

Not so with Bono.

Rolling Stone editor Jann S. Wenner interviewed Bono and guided him through topics like AIDS in Africa, the Bush administration, Christianity, Dylan, Springsteen, the Stones, and the Scriptures.

Bono is brilliant. Many times throughout the seven part interview, Wenner played hardball with Bono over his politics and religion. His cheap shots showcased Bono's humility and ability to make his case like a poet/statesman. Bono would not allow himself to pile on with the critics of Bush and his war. And I think that Wenner was pleasantly surprised that this loud-mouthed, Irish rock star turned out to be so interesting and candid.

Fetch the Rolling Stone Interview with Bono.

Free Derek Webb

Derek Webb of Caedmon's Call fame has come to the forefront of Christian activism. I've enjoyed the music he's produced with the band, Caedmon's Call, but never knew or heard of Derek Webb before I downloaded and listened to the Donald Miller Podcast's I posted about a few months ago.

Webb is passionate about following Jesus' example of being a peacemaker, serving the poor, loving your neighbor, and living what you believe.

He's made his latest album, Mockingbird, free for download at FreeDerekWebb.com. I downloaded it and am really digging his sound. It's an acoustic folk style coupled with a message of Christian social activism. It's cool music that fits well with smart song writing.

Fetch Mockingbird.
Fetch Podcast.

If Interested...

I posted a new slideshow on my granddaughter's blog...

Before Freedom Fries were French Fries

I don't know if you've alreay seen this or not, but I just saw it for the first time today over on the "AtticDownstairs" Blog.

"France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
--Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
--General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
--Norman Schwartzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something abo ut it ."
--Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."
--Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right."
--Rush Limbaugh

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
--Regis Philbin

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish
than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't know."
--P.J. O'Rourke (1989)

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
--John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people."
--Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either."
--Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof ' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
--David Letterman

"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada."
--Ted Nugent

"War without France would be like ... World War II."
--Unknown

"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'"
--Tom Brokaw

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Nazis?"
--Dennis Miller

"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us."
--Alan Kent

"They've taken their own precautions agains t al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house."
--Argus Hamilton

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'"
--Rep. Roy Blunt, MO

"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq."
--Dennis Miller

"Raise your right hand if you like the French, ... raise both hands if you are French."
--Unknown

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried."
--Rep. R. Blount, MO

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining."
--John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris, March 5, 2003
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris,
caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

H/T Cowboy Blob's Saloon and Shootin Gallery

Old Yeller KY-86 French Army Knife

What Do You Think You're Looking At???

Michael Foster on the Gaslight Gospel Blog had this UTube clip he called "The Price of Porn."

Come on Down!

Check out the video of these SIXTEEN buildings being dropped all at once in Hong Kong:

Say "Ahhh"

"Open wide and bite down firmly."

Yikes! No wonder we're afraid to go to the dentist. This gnarly piece of dental technology is called a Gnathograph (circa 1939).

Can you imagine having to pay to have this used on you?

Quote of the Day

Steven Wright

"If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?"

Left Behind Video Game

Out of Ur blogged about the video game pointed out here a couple of days ago. Check out the quote below pulled from the Out of Ur post:

The same article quotes Heath Summerlin, a Christian gamer who believes Eternal Forces "could reach a broad spectrum of people who wouldn't necessarily be exposed to the [Left Behind] books or go to church." Yes, but reach them with what message? Convert or we’ll kill you? The message is more al Qaeda than agape; more Bin Laden than Bible. It makes me wonder if anyone who developed the game has ever actually read the New Testament.