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Open Season on Lawyers

Saturday, February 25, 2006


The backlash from Vice President Dick Cheney's hunting adventure has been used by both the Red and the Blue parties to ignite and fuel the Great Hunting Debate. I, for one, want to encourage Dick Cheney. And pray for him. He took and oath before God and men to protect the rights, ALL rights, of American hunters. Why shouldn't he be able to participate and benefit from the rights he has sworn to uphold and defend. God Bless Dick Cheney as he celebrates his right to hunt lawyers.

Now that we've entered a New Millenium, many people feel that hunting lawyers is not necessary. Other people think that hunting lawyers in general is cruel, inhumane, and immoral. The "civilized" American thinks that if meat can be purchased in the store, then hunting lawyers is not necessary. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but beef and chicken are not secured in the most humane ways.

I am a lawyer hunter, my father was a lawyer hunter, as was his father before him (may he rest in peace). I have taught my own son the pleasure of eating game taken from nature. We are aware of everything that goes into the preparation of the lawyers we eat around our dinner table.

There are also many other reasons for lawyer hunting. Every night in America, men, women and children who go to bed hungry. While some government programs exist to help feed these people, there is still not enough food to fill everybody's belly. Whose fault is that? Politicians develop these feeding programs. So why isn't there enough food to go around? Why aren't the politicians making sure everyone is fed? Who are these politicians? Lawyers! The lawyer population is out of control, yet there is still not enough food to go around.

Many lawyer hunters donate some, if not all, of their spoils to programs that feed the hungry and less fortunate. One such program "Hunt Lawyers for The Hungry" depends on the
generosity of hunters, farmers, and landowners to donate extra or unwanted wild
lawyer meat.

The number of people that can be fed by the donation of meats harvested by hunters is astounding. New programs are springing up every day and existing programs are growing more popular.

Another reason lawyer hunting is important and should be encouraged is because it is useful as a wildlife management tool. Hunting lawyers maintains balance and protects habitats for all species on this planet.

Accidents on the Rise

Without hunting, populations of wild lawyers will grow beyond the environment's ability to naturally support their numbers. For example, near large cities where hunting is not allowed, woodlands are decreased and herds of lawyers grow rampantly. How often have you seen poor, malnourished lawyers wandering into our roadways and into the unsuspecting glare of our high beams at night?

One of the repercussions of restricted lawyer hunting can be shown with this example. In Ohio, growing lawyer herds have contributed to an increase of lawyer-car accidents by 30 percent in the past 10 years. In some counties in Ohio, more lawyers fall into the sites of headlights than the sites of rifles. Think of the problems that would arise if hunters never harvested any lawyers. The number of accidents would be staggering. People and property could be dented or damaged. The problem of lawyer-car accidents remains unsolved in Ohio and across the country.

Hunting is a significant tool to reduce populations, removing untold numbers of lawyers from US lawyer population each year.

Throughout all of human history, hunters have honorably served humanity through conservation and protection of Mother Nature. Lawyer hunting is hardly exclusive to Budwieser chugging country boys. Hunters are a special breed who love the outdoors and appreciate ALL of God's Creatures. Lawyer hunters have an instinctive duty to serve mankind and will be around for centuries to come.

Vatican to Muslims: practice what you preach

Friday, February 24, 2006

I like what we're hearing from the Vatican about the Mohammed Cartoons. I decided to post this entire article I linked to from the Drudge Report.

By Tom Heneghan, Religion Editor

PARIS (Reuters) - After backing calls by Muslims for
respect for their religion in the Mohammad cartoons row, the
Vatican is now urging Islamic countries to reciprocate by
showing more tolerance toward their Christian minorities.

Roman Catholic leaders at first said Muslims were right to
be outraged when Western newspapers reprinted Danish
caricatures of the Prophet, including one with a bomb in his
turban. Most Muslims consider any images of Mohammad to be
blasphemous.

After criticizing both the cartoons and the violent
protests in Muslim countries that followed, the Vatican this
week linked the issue to its long-standing concern that the
rights of other faiths are limited, sometimes severely, in
Muslim countries.

Vatican prelates have been concerned by recent killings of
two Catholic priests in Turkey and Nigeria. Turkish media
linked the death there to the cartoons row. At least 146
Christians and Muslims have died in five days of religious
riots in Nigeria.

"If we tell our people they have no right to offend, we
have to tell the others they have no right to destroy us,"
Cardinal Angelo Sodano, the Vatican's Secretary of State (prime
minister), told journalists in Rome.

"We must always stress our demand for reciprocity in
political contacts with authorities in Islamic countries and,
even more, in cultural contacts," Foreign Minister Archbishop
Giovanni Lajolo told the daily Corriere della Sera.

Reciprocity -- allowing Christian minorities the same
rights as Muslims generally have in Western countries, such as
building houses of worship or practicing religion freely -- is
at the heart of Vatican diplomacy toward Muslim states.

Vatican diplomats argue that limits on Christians in some
Islamic countries are far harsher than restrictions in the West
that Muslims decry, such as France's ban on headscarves in
state schools.

Saudi Arabia bans all public expression of any non-Muslim
religion and sometimes arrests Christians even for worshipping
privately. Pakistan allows churches to operate but its Islamic
laws effectively deprive Christians of many rights.

Both countries are often criticized at the United Nations
Human Rights Commission for violating religious freedoms.

"ENOUGH TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK"

Pope Benedict signaled his concern on Monday when he told
the new Moroccan ambassador to the Vatican that peace can only
be assured by "respect for the religious convictions and
practices of others, in a reciprocal way in all societies."

He mentioned no countries by name. Morocco is tolerant of
other religions, but like all Muslim countries frowns on
conversion from Islam to another faith.

Iraqi Christians say they were well treated under Saddam
Hussein's secular policies, but believers have been killed,
churches burned and women forced to wear Muslim garb since
Islamic groups gained sway after the U.S.-led invasion in 2003.

Christians make up only a tiny fraction of the population
in most Muslim countries. War and political pressure in recent
decades have forced many to emigrate from Middle Eastern
communities dating back to just after the time of Jesus.

As often happens at the Vatican, lower-level officials have
been more outspoken than the Pope and his main aides.

"Enough now with this turning the other cheek! It's our
duty to protect ourselves," Monsignor Velasio De Paolis,
secretary of the Vatican's supreme court, thundered in the
daily La Stampa. Jesus told his followers to "turn the other
cheek" when struck.

"The West has had relations with the Arab countries for
half a century, mostly for oil, and has not been able to get
the slightest concession on human rights," he said.

Bishop Rino Fisichella, head of one of the Roman
universities that train young priests from around the world,
told Corriere della Sera the Vatican should speak out more.

"Let's drop this diplomatic silence," said the rector of
the Pontifical Lateran University. "We should put pressure on
international organizations to make the societies and states in
majority Muslim countries face up to their responsibilities."

New Videos on our Church Website

Thursday, February 23, 2006

We put together some video to give to visitors to Calvary Chapel Jupiter. We finally got them up on the website.

Message from Pastor Dan Plourde

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Children's Ministry

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Student Ministry

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Worship

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A Typical Sunday at Calvary Chapel Jupiter

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Über Christ Followers – Part 14 – Bob Coy

Wednesday, February 22, 2006


Fourteen years ago this week I walked into a church service at Calvary Chapel of Ft. Lauderdale for my first time. It was the most casual church environment I had ever been in to date. Shorts, flip-flops, and pony tails were the norm.

For men.

There was a buzz. I usually get to a new church early so I can wander around and explore before the crowd gets there. Everybody seemed to have the same idea. The place was full a half-hour before worship started and every empty seat I came across was saved. [That’s funny: the seats were even saved at this church… ba-dumpdump]

The music was incredible. Some balding guy with long hair led worship. Very hip looking, I thought. In 1992, anyway.

And then this short, skinny guy walked up the center aisle and walked behind the cross shaped pulpit. This must be the pastor’s son, I thought. Where’s your dad, pal?

But it was Pastor Bob. And he opened his Bible and began to explain it and tell me how it applies. It was that simple. And then it was over.

I’m like, you forgot the offering.

And my life has never been the same.

I started Bible College there the next year. The following year, I went on staff as a ministry assistant. A couple of years after that, I went off to Washington to plant a church. I stayed up there a couple of years and came back to Florida to help a fellow staffer, Dan Plourde, to start a Calvary Chapel in Jupiter, Florida.

Bob Coy taught me to love God’s Word and to teach it simply. Teach it so children can understand it. Don’t try to impress the brainy. Don’t try to impress anyone but Jesus.

Pastor Bob has encouraged me as a student and has taken me to the woodshed as a wayward son. Everything he did for me as a pastor and mentor were lessons I’ve never forgotten and has laid the foundation for my service as an assisting pastor at Calvary Chapel Jupiter. He challenged me to grow through obedience, prayer, and fasting. He never laid any sales techniques or business styles on me.

“Bryon, just do what Jesus does.”

He taught me that all God needs is a heart and a life that’s available. He’ll do the rest.

Timothy, guard what God has entrusted to you. Avoid godless, foolish discussions with those who oppose you with their so-called knowledge. Some people have wandered from the faith by following such foolishness. --1 Tim 6:20, 21

Bono and the Poor

Monday, February 20, 2006


Mark Driscoll has a decent post about Bono and the poor over on his blog:

Check out this post:
Arguably the coolest guy on our team, Bono recently spoke at the National Prayer Breakfast, giving an impassioned plea for additional financial support for the horror that is taking place in Africa. On the one hand, you have to appreciate any rich guy who uses his influence to help people in need. [read more...]

Smoked!!!


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The Benefits of Shopping Online


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Über Christ Followers – Part 13 – Rob Douglass


I met Rob Douglass in Kampala, Uganda when I was serving short term with Far Reaching Ministries heading for South Sudan. Rob was my host and guide for a few short days in Kampala.

Rob is several years younger than I am, but his life impacted me in a way that only happens when someone is experienced, seasoned, and humble.

That’s what I want to be.

When Rob was a new believer, he went to Bible College in Southern California. He didn’t take the courses for credit, he audited them. He took what he learned from the Bible about going into all the world, and did it. He went.

When he didn’t know where to go, the Lord impressed heavily upon him that he needed to serve and minister to refugees of the Sudan’s Civil War. So he gathered a team from the church his brother pastors and went.

Rob is an evangelist. He’s not shy about sharing his faith. He’s not obnoxious about it and definitely culturally sensitive and aware. But Rob evangelizes not with just words, argument, or debate. Rob’s life draws people to the Lord.

While Rob was working in Uganda, at a refugee camp set up by the UN, he was observed hanging laundry by someone who practiced Islam. This regular household chore performed to keep a household running was observed by this Muslim as a loving act of service to Rob’s wife. This would never happen in a Muslim household. As a white, Christian missionary in Uganda, Rob’s life was on display. What was observed was a heart, not words; a life, not an argument. Rob has a reputation of a man that loves with actions first, words second. This is why he had converts through his ministry.

“A healthy tree produces good fruit, and an unhealthy tree produces bad fruit. A good tree can't produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can't produce good fruit.” –Matthew 7:17, 18

How was Valentine's Day for You?

Friday, February 17, 2006

I thought I’d follow up the Valentine’s Day question with this:

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands!

This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.

13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff........And my favorite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect

My Baffling Valentine

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Here's the scenario: Your darling and you are having a conversation about how commercial the holidays are. You're tightening your belt and your budget as Christmas credit card bills roll in. And Valentines Day rolls in right behind the bills.

It's mandatory that you make another purchase. You must shop. You must head to the mall and plow through more crowds of desperate, last-minute shoppers. The line at Brighton's, or Macy's, or Hoffmann Chocolates, or Victoria's Secret is your destiny.

So when your wife says, "Honey, you don't have to get me anything. Valentine's Day is just another commercial holiday." Are you off the hook?

Well, are you?

New Blogger III


Barret Cruce is now actively blogging. Barrett is a missionsary sent out from our church. While he was home on furlough, we got him set up on a blog so he can keep in touch with us and so we can keep tabs on him. Go ahead and leave a comment on his blog when you drop by and encourage him.

Habitual Bloggers on Notice

Monday, February 13, 2006

Blog addicts need to follow this link and give a listen to the article there.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Saturday, February 11, 2006


I don't talk about my kids on my blog as much as I should. They are quite entertaining. Follow this link and read the promo my son Aaron, 17 tomorrow, wrote for the Christmas party our church's youth group threw last spring.

And then there's Charity, my darling eighteen year old daughter. She was at the dinner table this evening and asked:

"Why do great men that use their God given gifts to take on social injustice like Martin Luther King, Jr. go down with one shot and obnoxious, self-indulgent gangsta rappers like 50 Cent live through six bullet wounds? I can't figure it out."


Overdue Reviews 2

Friday, February 10, 2006

I’m still talking about the music from seventh grade. 1977. Two other albums came out that year that opened my mind to mystery and anarchy.

Fleetwood Mac - Rumours and Sex Pistols - Never Mind The Bollocks, Here's The Sex Pistols.

The Rumours album was amazing to me. I listened to it repeatedly. I read the words and stared at the album cover. The Chain was a mesmerizing song. But I have to confess, the artwork on the cover of that record was even more hypnotic. The image of Stevie Nicks on the LP’s cover made me feel like there wasn’t enough oxygen in the room.It was dizzying; disorienting. The picture isn’t sexual or lustful. But for me at twelve, that photo conveyed the mystery of the opposite sex the way the Song of Solomon does.

When I was nine, my father took me to the Grand Canyon. It blew my mind. I felt like I could touch it, but I better not try. It seemed like I could see the whole thing from where I stood, but I knew I needed a few lifetimes to really experience the depths of its beauty. I was standing on the edge of a cliff and one misguided step and I would plunge to my death.

That is the mystery of that picture of Stevie Nicks.

Over the top drama, I know. But I was twelve at the time so cut me some slack. Besides, that year when Fleetwood Mac accepted their award for that album, they band was three sheets to the wind. Stevie Nicks was so wasted she had to be helped to the microphone. My visions fizzled in that moment. Not to mention on January 26 - Fleetwood Mac's original lead guitarist, Peter Green, was committed to a mental hospital in England after firing a pistol at a delivery boy bringing Green his royalties check. So fades the glory.

These antics remind me of other 1977 music news: the Sex Pistols released Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's The Sex Pistols. Talk about odd. Six or seven years had to pass, along with the passing of Johnny Rotten, before I could actually begin to appreciate punk rock. And it wasn’t until the 90’s when groups like Green Day, Blink 182, and MxPx tightened punk rock up some, cleaned it up, made it a little less dismal, and more main stream.

Overdue Reviews

Thursday, February 09, 2006

I’m starting a new blog series. Overdue Reviews. I haven’t wrapped up the Über Christ Followers series, but I thought I would take things a little lighter and talk about music.

The VH1 program “I Love the 80’s” is the inspiration for this article. But I’m going back a little further. I’ll be reviewing the albums that I listened to when I was in middle school. Junior High in my neck of the woods went from seventh through ninth grades, so we’ll be remembering music from 1977 through 1980. Keep in mind, I was in middle school. My musical taste probably didn’t run all that deep. My tastes probably didn’t even make sense.

Remember junior high? If you’re like me and you’ve been trying to forget, this may be somewhat therapeutic. Or you may end up in therapy. Hang in there, big guy.

Here are the albums I remember. Many more came out than I was exposed to, of course. These are the ones I remember from seventh grade. Some of them I remember because they were my mom’s and I hated them. Here’s that list: Abba - Arrival, Linda Ronstadt - Simple Dreams, Olivia Newton-John - Making a Good Thing Better, and Roberta Flack - Blue Lights in the Basement.

Abba - Arrival. I can not begin to tell you how much I LOATHED this record. Every time Dancing Queen came on the radio, my mother had to turn it up. That and Fernando. I hated this music. It depresses me to even think about it. I have a “felt need” to tell you this music makes me want to barf. Why would someone even think of doing a remake of Dancing Queen?

I have to contrast this with my favorite record of 1977 just to lift my spirits. This album, my mother wouldn’t even let me bring in the house. The more she hated it, the more I loved it and the louder this record played. Kiss - Alive II my mom loved to hate because I loved it the most.

Barrett and Amy Cruce

Monday, February 06, 2006


Barrett and Amy Cruce are in town on furlough. They are missionaries with Alternative Missions working in Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica. They sold all their belongings last year, quit their jobs, and moved their crew down to Costa Rica’s east coast last year to take the good news of Jesus Christ to a region that seems like paradise but is really a land of broken dreams, drugs, and endless wandering.

Barrett grew up as a preachers kid that split for the Navy as soon as he was old enough to leave home. He met Amy and married her and eventually the two of them ended up at Calvary Chapel Jupiter in 1998.

Barrett and some surfing buddies took a trip to Costa Rica about three years ago. Most surfers think of Costa Rica as heaven: summer year-round and endless waves. So many visitors from around the world drop out of their lives and try to make a new life in Costa Rica. Barrett found that their lives end up coming apart as bliss is pursued but stays just out of reach. Barrett’s heart broke and was compelled to be a vessel of the peace that can only be found in a relationship with Christ.

To support Barrett and Amy click here.

Über Christ Follower Ken Graves

Thursday, February 02, 2006


One of my favorite speakers at the Calvary Chapel SE Pastors’ Conference was a pastor from Bangor, Maine, by the name of Ken Graves.

Ken has these huge arms, a deep, baritone voice, and an incredible ability to deliver the Word of God. In a church culture that wants to tame, feminize, and neuter men, Ken is a breath of fresh air. He makes us men feel like its okay to be a man. A John Wayne kind of man. A Clint Eastwood kind of man. A Gladiator kind of man. A Chuck Norris kind of man.

My friend, Chris Goeppner, posted a list on his blog about the manliness of Chuck Norris. I thought it would be fun to switch out Norris’s name and insert Ken’s:

1. Ken Graves' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
2. Ken Graves does not sleep. He waits.
3. Ken Graves is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Ken Graves is pain.
5. If you can see Ken Graves, he can see you. If you can't see Ken Graves, you may be only seconds away from death.
6. Ken Graves has counted to infinity. Twice.
7. Ken Graves does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Ken Graves goes killing.
8. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Ken Graves out. It failed miserably.
9. A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Ken Graves and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Ken Graves, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
11. There is no chin behind Ken Graves' beard. There is only another fist.

 

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